The discovery of soma and its properties
by random passager
Summary: Derived from the discovery of atom and its properties. Read if you like Chemistry.


**The discovery of soma and its properties**

**Derived from the discovery of atom and its properties (quotes from Wikipedia)**

A/N: This is only for entertainment propose (i.e.: the theories doesn't make any sense).

* * *

In the beginning of humanity, some Homo sapiens found that if they drink a virgin's breast milk, they could produce fire and certain other things that they did not know what they were. Virgin's breast milk becomes sacred and was called 'soma'. During sedentarization, the Maya farmers used virgin's breast milk to help them to cultivate their lands. Later, this technique was also found in the Greek civilization. But it is not until 300 BC that the first somaist theory was constructed.

"The theory of Democritus and Leucippus held that [holy breast milk (or soma)] is composed of '[sugar]', which is physically, but not geometrically, indivisible; that between [breasts] lies empty space; that [high quality breasts] are indestructible; have always been, and always will be, in motion; that there are an infinite number of [virgin], and kinds of [breast], which differ in shape, and size. Of the mass of [breasts], Democritus said 'The more any [sugar] exceeds, the heavier it is.'"

However, their theory was wildly criticized, notably by Aristotle, who believed that breast milk is a mixture of the five "classical elements (Earth, Water, Air, Fire, and Aether)".

During the medieval period, somaism was considered as occult art, and sometimes witchcraft. But no further studies have been made until the late 18th century. Famous orthodox somaists studied the "legendary icon" which depicts "the Virgin Mary breastfeeding an infant Jesus fabled to alter the homeostasis of the world". The French orthodox Antoine Lavoisier proposed the Law of "Conversation of Mass", which says that breasts always conserve its mass and soma is produce continuously. Therefore, breasts that have large volume have larger mass and higher quantity of soma.

In 1808, English orthodox John Dalton published his somaist theory.

"[Soma is] made of tiny particles called [sugar, salt, protein, holy water, etc]. The [breasts] of a given [virgin] are different from those of any other [virgin]; the [soma] of different [virgin] can be distinguished from one another by their respective relative [breastic] weights. All [breasts] of a given [virgin] are [anatomically] identical. [Soma] … can [be digested] to form [energy by] chemical [reaction]; a given [reaction] always has the same relative numbers of types of [sugar]. [Soma] cannot be created [by men], [animals] nor [non virgin women]."

Meanwhile, in France, Joseph Gay-Lussac studied Jacques Charles's discovery on the law of volume, which says that "at constant pressure, the [size] of a given [nipple] of an ideal [breast] increases or decreases by the same factor as [the body] temperature on the absolute temperature scale (i.e. the [nipple] expands as the temperature increases)". Gay-Lussac proposed the pressure-temperature law, which says that "the [milk] pressure of a [breast] of fixed mass and fixed volume is directly proportional to the [body] absolute temperature". Therefore, higher body temperature gives a better milk fluidity.

In Robert Boyle's discovery, "for a fixed [mass] of an ideal [breast] kept at a fixed temperature, pressure and volume are inversely proportional". Thus, compress the breast can increase the milk flow.

In the 1860s, Dmitri Ivanovich Mendeleev, a Russian priest, found that different people get different power after digesting soma. He classified the powers into a chart and called it 'powerodic table'. He collected people of different power to form the sect 'Twenty-Eight Adepts' (because there were only 28 kinds of power that were indentified; it was until 20th century that all kinds of power were defined), which became the source of international development and protection.

Somaism did not apply to everyone. In fact, Joseph John Thomson, a British failed member of the Twenty-Eight Adepts, found in 1897 that people are divided into two categories: negative charges (10% of the population), who can't use soma no matter how hard they try, and positive charges (89%), who can. He called the positive charge 'Qwaser'.

But what about the 1%?

Ernest Rutherford, a New Zealand-born British adept hypothesized that the 1% could be neutral charges, which are maids, called Maria, who produce high-quality soma. His hypothesis was confirmed by James Chadwick, an English apprentice, in 1932. This discovery leaded the leader of the Twenty-Eight Adepts to "accumulate a huge reserve of high-quality soma" to gain more power. He did it by "kidnapping nubile maidens and torturing them into becoming human storage tanks". For his inhuman and cruel actions, only eleven adepts remained loyal to him. So the sect became the 'Twelve Adepts'

High-quality soma is found in ideal breast. The Twelve Adepts used the ideal breast law to determinate whether a giving breast was ideal or not. When they multiplied the milk pressure by the breast volume and divided them by the breast mass and the body temperature, if the breast is ideal, the result would be the Theotokos of Tsarytsin's constant.

Through intense experiments, the Twelve Adepts found that, at a certain temperature and pressure, Maria can release its best possible quality of soma continuously until exhaustion. It is called the "triple point". There are different values of pressure and temperature for different Maria. The Maria with the lowest value of temperature and pressure to attain the triple point was called the 'Sword's Maria', which can produce a soma that only high-level qwasers can handle.

The fallen of the Twelve Adepts was during World War II, when some amateurs drank the Sword's Maria's soma. They transformed into one unstoppable chimera. All positive charges (non qwaser) evacuated to America and Asia. Over 75% of qwaser population died. The survivor stayed in Europe and Russia.

The rebirth of the sect took place in Japan's Unit 731. They put their Sword's Maria in a Fabergé egg for safety.

New theories were made. Thanks to George Barger and James Ewens, it was known that Maria can appear red because the quantity of dopamine has increased in their brain. In addition, when a Maria is red, heat is produced. Therefore, the redness can increase her body temperature and thus gives a better milk fluidity. From that, Max Planck, a German qwaser, proved that "[red]body radiation depend on the frequency of [massage] and [the Maria's exteroception].

The personality of the Maria became an important factor. Yet to increase the quantity of dopamine, the breast must be in motion. Albert Einstein, the qwaser of einsteinium, suggested that dopamine is given in small package because he found that the intensity of the motion does not affect the quantity of dopamine produced, but the frequency does. This makes sense because, as in Isaac Newton's laws, if the velocity of the motion increases, faster the signal will be transferred through the nerves to the brain. As the French qwaser Louis de Broglie said, "any moving particle or object had an associated wave". Therefore, breasts are like waves.


End file.
